Supermodel/Coke user Kate Moss must not be as pregnant as Pete Doherty uncle has been telling the Press. While at the Moet and Chandon Fashion Tribute show, Kate is seen chugging a bottle of Moet and breathing in the fragrant aroma of cigarette smoke. Either there isn’t a baby or the future parents are training the child to be a champion drinker and smoker before it enters the world. They are on their way to beating Britney Spears and Kevin Federline for the worst parents of the year award.

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This years dead celebrity bringing in the loot is Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain, who dethrone former dead king Elvis Presley. The top 13 dead stars bought in a total of $247 million from Oct 2005 to Oct 2006.

1. Kurt Cobain – $50 million
2. Elvis Presley – $42 million
3. Charles M. Schulz – $35 million
4. John Lennon – $24 million
5. Albert Einstein – $20 million
6. Andy Warhol – $19 million
7. Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel) – $10 million
8. Ray Charles – $10 million
9. Marilyn Monroe – $8 million
10. Johnny Cash – $8 million
11. J.R.R. Tolkien – $7 million
12. George Harrison – $7 million
13. Bob Marley – $7 million

Kevin Federline

Wannabe rapper Kevin Federline will soon bring his crappy acting and singing ability to a theater near you. Britney Spears’ husband will make his movie debut in the upcoming hip-hop movie, Caught on Tape, which will be directed by rapper Sticky Fingaz. Sticky says:

This is a hardcore musical – lots of violence, sex, action, drama, plus sentiment and romance as well. It’s Kev Fed’s (movie) acting debut. He’s really cool.

We can’t wait to avoid this movie the way it should be avoided.

Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter says ex-girlfriend Paris Hilton was so into drugs that she would smuggle her own stash when she travel overseas. Nick tells News of the World:

If she was going overseas she’d cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis. She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences.

I guess we can all assume the grass in Paris’ handbag was indeed weed and not something else like tobacco. Nick went on to also call Paris a prude who didn’t really like sex:

She was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drugs and drink to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out.

What kind of performance was Nick looking for from Paris? He should just be happy he was getting some, instead of the fake sex he claimed to have with Ashlee Simpson.

Nicole Richie gets on top of the table at Arena nightclub to give people with cameras a better view of her yellow pantie. I guess Nicole is taking a page from Paris in showing people your pantie.

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Splash News

Criss Angel looks like some Joe Schmo who is a psychopath grinding with Paris Hilton and wishing to talk his way into having a night in Paris. How many of you place some money on Paris sleeping with Criss at the end of the night?

Being a fake friend of Paris Hilton is hard work. Many of Paris’ friends that are on her MySpace page are reporting that they are being spammed with email about winning a trip to meet her in person.

When the “friends” clicked on the e-mail, they were taken to another screen, telling them, “Hurry! Only twenty prizes left.”

They were then forwarded to a series of pop-up messages and questionnaires asking them to buy products and requesting them to supply personal information.

If the “friend” refuses to supply the info, the screen freezes, says one angry source. If however, the information is supplied, a message appears, saying, “Thank you for signing up for our offers, but all the prizes are gone. Your email is now on a spam list and you win nothing!”

How dumb can people be in thinking that they are going to win an all expense paid trip to meet Paris Hilton? I guess that’s what you get for wanting to be friends with famous for nothing Paris Hilton.

Supermodel and occasional coke head Kate Moss is reported to be pregnant with drug addicted boyfriend Pete Doherty. Pete’s loose-lipped uncle Phil Michels told the Sunday Mirror:

I have spoken to Pete twice about the baby and he has confirmed that Kate is pregnant. They are both delighted and Pete sounded really excited. That is why they want to get married. Pete told me they want a baby together to cement their marriage. I am made up for them. I wish them every success. They’re so happy, they love each other. I can’t wait for the wedding – we are just waiting for a date.

Lets all pray the baby doesn’t suffer from some birth defected related to all that drug use and lets all hope Kate doesn’t start using coke again.

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So what did we all learn from this? We can all Vaseline.