Kevin Federline

Some how Kevin Federline got the people behind CW’s One Tree Hill to hire him for the show. K-Fed will play Jason, a cocky, enigmatic frontman for the fictional band, No Means Yes. Mark Schwahn, the creator of the show, tells People:

He really seemed like a sweet guy and I just felt that he would be great in that. People will say this smells of stunt casting because of Federline’s really high public persona right now. I have to honestly say he was a good fit for the character. I don’t know anything about the kid but he seemed very sweet and very sincere about working hard and embracing the opportunity. It’s just about being good in the role.

Of course it’s all a publicity stunt, what better way to get your show on the pages of magazines and website than to hire the guy who has subpoena a few of Britney Spears closes followers just to get more money from Britney.

Michael Vick the Atlanta Falcons quarterback and all around asshole dog killer agreed to plead guilty to federal conspiracy charges next Monday. Michael face a possible five years prison term and a fine of $250,000 when he is sentence next week. Vick’s attorney Billy Martin issue the following statement:

After consulting with his family over the weekend, Michael Vick asks that I announce today that he has reached an agreement with federal prosecutors regarding the charges pending against him. Mr. Vick has agreed to enter a plea of guilty to those charges and to accept full responsibility for his action and the mistakes he has made. Michael wishes to apologize again to everyone who has been hurt by this matter.

The reason for pleading is to avoid more serious federal charges that would most likely result after the grand jury convene next week. Two of Vick’s partners in the illegal dogfighting ring have said he helped kill dogs that didn’t fight well at his property in Virginia.

It’s time to send this dog killer to prison. If we were able to send Paris Hilton to jail for 20 or so days we should send Vick to prison for five years. And because the NFL is all about money, Vick will still have a job to go to even if it’s with another team. An NFL general manager had the following to say:

Teams may say one thing publicly. But if he gets out of jail, we’ll all be looking at Vick hard. We’re all whores in football. You know the saying. We’d sign an ax murderer if he has ability. He’ll be back. He won’t be back in Atlanta probably but he’ll be back in professional football. You can count on it.

Got to love the NFL, the place that hires people based totally on talent. I bet the NFL would still have hired O.J. Simpson back after that double killing trial he was involved in, if he wasn’t old.

Jessica Biel needs to watch out, Page Six is reporting that her new man, Justin Timberlake, was spotted at an HBO party chatting it up with a bronze-skinned long haired brunette on the roof top of Tribeca Grand.

“They were obviously into each other,” said the spy. “It was just the two of them . . . he had no entourage at all.” Another source dished to us, “He is notorious. He will [bleep] anything.” A rep for Timberlake said, “I have no comment on his personal life.”

Most likely Justin isn’t cheating, but trying to get a threesome going. Just bring another Sexy Back to his bed. He knows Jessica would break him in two if he ever thought about straying.

Jessica Simpson has found the best excuse to get a nose job, while filming her newest movie, Major Movie Star, she purposely accidentally hit herself in the face with a gun and broke her nose. Jessica explains:

I was running with a gun over my head and fell over and broke my nose, it really hurt!

I can just imagine her holding a gun over her head while running with high heels then realizing this would be the best time to get a better nose like her sister Ashlee Simpson. Wonder which new nose style she’s going to pick?

In other Jessica news, she has denied rumors about her adopting a Mexican orphan.

Britney Spears did a photo shoot back in April 25 with Allure magazine and you would expect a totally different result than these. Either there is a Britney twin out there or they did some heavy duty airbrushing, I’m gonna go on the limb here and say airbrush. Does Allure really think their readers are going to be fool and think this is what she really look like.

If you believe what the National Enquirer is saying then Halle Berry is two months pregnant with boyfriend Gabriel Aubry’s child. A source tells the National Enquirer:

Halle is so happy right now. She’s wanted a baby for so long. But at the same time she’s scared because she is very aware of the complications that having diabetes can cause during pregnancy. She’s doing everything possible to make sure her baby is born healthy.

This would be more believable if it was coming from someone other than the Enquirer.

Not really sure what Anne Hathaway is doing to her boyfriend, but it sure looks like she’s giving him some good head. Just look at the satisfying expression on his face. She must be so use to people with cameras that she totally forgot about all the paparazzi around her.

After a lackluster try at acting and singing, Paris Hilton has gone back to appearing at parties to make money. If you thought $100,000 for last year’s New Year’s Eve appearance was highway robbery, you will be mistaken, this year Paris is looking to get half a million for about a couple minutes of work. A Las Vegas insider tells Page Six:

Paris and [sister] Nicky are shopping their partying ways to Vegas at the price of around $500,000 - only they have the guts to ask for that amount - for a multiple-day New Year’s Eve bash. Paris will ‘party’ at a few spots and Nicky will bless the lucky host with a fashion show of her wares and model herself. [Only Pure] may be coming all the way up to the asking price, although [the Hiltons] are so desperate now, they should be paying the clubs for good p.r., not the other way around.

Guess this time around Paris has that halfway house she said she was going to built for her fellow inmates. To any club owner who is thinking of wasting $500,000 to get Paris Hilton to their party your better off just stuffing balloons with thousands of dollars and at midnight dropping it onto the crowd or better yet instead of having toilet paper in the bathrooms have stacks of dollar bills for them to wipe their ass with.

Nicole Richie is starting to show her four month pregnant body, which looks better than when she was stick thin or when she was dress in a pregnant suit. Besides a growing belly, Nicole’s breast are also getting a big boost in the size department. Poor old Mischa Barton who had to unfortunately stand next to a glowing Nicole.

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Alli Sims, Britney Spears’ cousin/assistant, has been served with legal paper at a party in the Hollywood Hills at about 2:30am. Looks like Mark Vincent Kaplan, Kevin Federline’s lawyer, isn’t playing around when he sent ex-Israeli soldier to serve the subpoena. The subpoena will force Alli to testify in custody case between Britney and Kevin and she’ll have to talk about Britney’s parenting skills.

The only reason for this has to be about Britney’s millions and how Kevin wants to get his grubby hands on those dirty greenbacks. According to TMZ:

Federline just agreed to a 50/50 split. Then, he turned around almost immediately and filed papers asking for 70/30. So why such a sudden change of heart?

It’s puzzling that Kevin is suddenly alarmed, given that he’s had absolutely no contact with Spears for almost three months. In fact, we’re told she’s begging him to communicate because of parenting issues but he won’t play ball.

Poor Britney, she just can’t seem to get out of this hell she calls life. From acting like a nudist to shaving her hair off and going to a rehab center to having someone you once married because you were in love trying to steal your hard earn money. Poor Britney you just want to feel sorry for this girl, until you read she did something stupid again.

Britney Spears hits a parked car while trying to park her Mercedes so she can go into a vitamin store in Studio City; and after hitting the parked station wagon she screamed, “I’m a brainiac!” After checking over her car you would expect her to also do the same with the car she just hit, if you expected that, you would be wrong very wrong my friend. Not only did she not check on the other car’s damage, but she didn’t even take the time to leave a note for the owner.

At least she listen to a photographer to squat down and check her car which gave some of the paparazzi a opportunity to snap another crotch shot. She must have been so traumatized about how a park car could have jumped in front of her while parking that she fail to remember she was wearing a skirt.

Brett Ratner isn’t homophobic but he received his first blow job from a guy. This blow job of a story all came out after he told The Advocate about the inspiration for a scene in Rush Hour 3. When the Advocate asked, “when the girl takes off her wig and Chris Tucker becomes angry and accuses her of being a man.” Brett responded:

That’s from my personal experience. My first [oral sex] was from a man, but I didn’t know it was a man… I’m not homophobic or uptight about it. That happens to a lot of heterosexuals. You meet a girl in a bar, and it turns out she’s not a girl.

I don’t know about you, but I would make sure it’s a girl before I let the person get anywhere near the family jewels. And if this thing ever happens to people, I don’t think they will be sharing it with a magazine. Just look at Eddie Murphy’s explanation when he was caught with a transvestite hooker, “I was being a good Samaritan.”

Madonna’s adoption of her new son, David, from Malawi has a new problem. An Malawi court appointed official that was assign to assess the suitability of Madonna and her husband Guy Richie has been denied permission to travel to Britain. The Malawi Minister of Women and Child Development, Kate Kainja, is barring Penstone Kilembe from traveling to Britain because he received a plane ticket and money from Madonna without government approval. Kilembe says:

What this means is that the whole adoption process may crumble and David sent back to his village.

So the guy was was picked to check on David in Britain took a bribe and got caught; now the whole adoption will fall through because he can’t go check in on David. Poor David, after living like a prince he’s gonna have to go back to living like a peasant.

Lindsay Lohan has checked into rehab again and this time it’s at the Cirque Lodge drug and alcohol rehab center in Sundance, Utah. Lohan will undergo an intensive rehabilitation program that will last a minimum of 30 days.

The Lodge was named by Town & Country magazine to be one of the country’s top rehabs. For a price tag of $30,000 and up, the rehab offers privacy — with rooms for 16 residents at a time. Rooms boast spectacular views, Jacuzzi tubs and private fireplaces, and stars such as MARY-KATE OLSEN and DAVID HASSELHOFF have reportedly sought treatment there.

This place sounds more like a vacation than anything else. Who would have known sitting in a Jacuzzi overlooking a spectacular view would do wonders in rehabilitating someone with a drinking and maybe a drug problem.

Lindsay Lohan was once considered to be the new face of Louis Vuitton, but after a shoot for Elle magazine the fashion house won’t even allow her to borrow any of their clothing now. During the photo shoot Lindsay would take any LV items that she could get her hands on. A source tells Page Six:

Louis Vuitton had sent over some samples for her to wear in the shoot. Lindsay, kept shoving the clothes into her bag, and a stylist’s assistant kept getting them out of the bag, only to have Lindsay keep trying to take them. She ended up walking off with a very expensive shirt and some other items - which screwed Louis Vuitton because they were set to go to Vogue, W and Harper’s Bazaar for other shoots. They were furious and kept trying to get their clothes back, but… Lindsay walked out with them and never returned calls.

This is like when people go to buffets with large duffel bags and when no one is looking they pack up the bag with a week worth of food. I’m surprise Lindsay didn’t smack the assistant that was removing all the items she was stealing. For no apparent reason, below is a picture of Mikhail Gorbachev in Louis Vuitton’s newest ad campaign.