Looks like either Tara Reid is a dumb retard who has killed off most of her brain cells or she never finish 2nd grade.

Being a fake friend of Paris Hilton is hard work. Many of Paris’ friends that are on her MySpace page are reporting that they are being spammed with email about winning a trip to meet her in person.

When the “friends” clicked on the e-mail, they were taken to another screen, telling them, “Hurry! Only twenty prizes left.”

They were then forwarded to a series of pop-up messages and questionnaires asking them to buy products and requesting them to supply personal information.

If the “friend” refuses to supply the info, the screen freezes, says one angry source. If however, the information is supplied, a message appears, saying, “Thank you for signing up for our offers, but all the prizes are gone. Your email is now on a spam list and you win nothing!”

How dumb can people be in thinking that they are going to win an all expense paid trip to meet Paris Hilton? I guess that’s what you get for wanting to be friends with famous for nothing Paris Hilton.

Casino mogul Steve Wynn has accidentally ruined a 74-year Picasso painting call Le Reve. While entertaining David and Mary Boies, Nora Ephron and Nick Pileggi, Louise Grunwald, and Barbara Walters, Steve winded up putting his elbow into the lower right quadrant of the painting.

“So then I made a gesture with my right hand,” Wynn said, “and my right elbow hit the picture. It punctured the picture.” There was a distinct ripping sound. Wynn turned around and saw, on Marie-Thérèse Walter’s left forearm, in the lower-right quadrant of the painting, “a slight puncture, a two-inch tear. We all just stopped. I said, ‘I can’t believe I just did that. Oh, shit. Oh, man.’ ”

Now that’s some expensive elbow. From a sale of $139 million, Steve has to now pay to restore it. I wonder if he had insurance on that painting?

That’s right folks, its time to celebrate the day of the Devil or better know as 666. So for all you superstitious people out there you might want to avoid today. And for all you people who want to try your luck on this day, you might want to go visit the roulette table at your local casino, which coincidentally all the numbers add up to 666.

Maybe your really feel lucky, you might just want to go and buy yourself a lottery ticket with the number 666. And if your insanely crazy and lucky you can go visit Hell in person, located in the state of Michigan.

Have a Happy 666 Day.

I’m too scared to talk to him

OK, why the hell would he tell the whole world he’s afraid of Simon? Now the whole world knows he is one big baby.

[Daily Record]

Only in America can you sue someone else for your own stupidity. A Drug Enforcement Administration agent by the name of Lee Paige has filed a lawsuit against the U.S. government for distributing the embarrassing video of him shooting his own foot during a drug education presentation.

The funny part of the video was Paige saying, “I am the only one in this room professional enough that I know of, to carry this Glock 40.” That was before he went and shot his own foot. Luckily he didn’t point that gun at some student thinking he had already empty the chamber.

[TSG]

a low-budget, art house film, with no prospect of making any money

Quaid is seeking a whopping $10 million for what amount to about a few minute of being on the screen. The ones that should be suing should be Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, they are the ones who had to get all gay on each other.

[TMZ]

After Tom Cruise was able to get Comedy Central to pull the repeat airing of a South Park episode about Scientology, the creator of the show have spoken. The creator Trey Parker and Matt Stone released the following statement by way of their lawyer:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!

– Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu

Also as a result of all this Issac Hayes, the voice of Chef, has quit the show. Hollywood is run by martian, not really, but maybe.

[NPR]

I had a bit of an eBay addiction and I sold everything in my apartment in London and then I came in one day and my sister was crying because she couldn’t get to a funeral in southern Ireland.

None of the planes were working, none of the trains, none of the ferries, so I saw another golden opportunity to flog something and so I put my sister up on eBay, saying, ‘Damsel in distress, needs to get to Southern Ireland. What do you get out of it as a bidder? You just get to be a knight in shining armour.’

Everyone started bidding and a guy won and he had a helicopter and he could fly her to the funeral in southern Ireland and they’re now dating and they’ve been going out for 18 months and she’s living with him.

I have a second sister, who’s gonna go on sale soon.

I think James has come up with a great idea we will all see more of in the future. Prostitution right on eBay, pick the girl you like and place a bid and not even get arrested because you are bidding on a dinner date. Unless some pimp is already doing this.
[IOL]

her feet stunk so [bleeping] bad that the pedicurist refused to do her toes . . . or anybody else’s for the rest of the day.

I bet Kimberly will scrub down her smelly feet with some alcohol the next time she visits a pedicurist, if they ever let her in again.

Star of The Apprentice has came out and say that if he wasn’t the father of daughter Ivanka, he would love to date her. All this took place when Donald Trump and Ivanka were on The View talking about the appearance of Ivanka on the show The Apprentice. When Trump was asked what he would do if Ivanka posed for Playboy, Trump replied:

If she posed, it would be fine. But it depends on what’s inside the magazine. Although she does have a very nice figure,” he said. “I’ve said if she wasn’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.

I wonder how Ivanka is feeling after the comment from her dad. I bet The Donald has thoughts of Ivanka, too sick to think about that.

[NY Post]

Superstar soccer player David Beckham is no genius when it comes to math. Beckham says son Brooklyn’s math homework leaves him baffled and as a result had to call wife Victoria Beckham to help out.

Who would have knew Victoria was the brains in the family. David went on to tell Mail on Sunday:

Their homework is so hard these days. It’s totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school, and you know I was like ‘Oh my God, I can’t do this’.

Lets hope he has a honest accountant that won’t take him to the cleaner.

[Reuters]

Happy Valentine’s Day

[Gallery of the Absurd]

While reporting from Milan, Italy on the Winter Olympics for The Today Show a pigeon decided to relieve itself on Katie Couric’s head. I guess if the saying is true, Katie is going to have a lot of good luck.

Katie Couric release the bird.

Bird fly all around her.

Bird drops its bomb on Katie’s head.

The gang back in NYC laugh and laugh.

[Drudge Report]