If I was that cat I’d leave on my own accord — I’d call a cab. It ain’t right. This ain’t Toys R Us. They took my cat.

I’m not sure who’s worst, Britney Spears or this crazy looking girl. You would think she would enter rehab like all the other celebrities who got caught abusing alcohol or drugs, but that’s not the case with Amy, according to People magazine Amy hasn’t enter rehab yet.

The FBI has conducted a raid on David Copperfield’s warehouse due to a Seattle woman claiming the magician raped her while she was in the Bahamas. The FBI are involved because the alleged rape happen outside the United States and she didn’t report it until she returned to Seattle.

The raid took place at his warehouse often referred to as the International Museum & Library of the Conjuring Arts where he keeps his tricks and memorabilia from around the world. In the raid the FBI confiscated a computer hard drive, a digital camera and about $2 million in cash.

Damn $2 million in cash, is David hording cash for a quick escape or has he figure out a way to make money with magic?

Rapper T.I., who’s real name is Clifford Harris, was arrested over the weekend and set to appear in court on federal charges for having his bodyguard purchase machine guns and silencers for him.

Agents with the federal bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives arrested Harris on Saturday in midtown Atlanta. Authorities say other firearms were found in his vehicle and in his suburban Atlanta home.

Harris is charged with possession of unregistered machine guns and silencers, as well as possession of firearms by a convicted felon.

T.I. sounds like those crazy kids at school who gets picked on by other kids and wind up with a stockpile more impressive than many armies. Maybe thats the reason for these machine guns and silencers, he was just trying to protect himself and his family by making mincemeat out of his would be attackers without drawing any attention.

This isn’t some kind of cameo appearance on Fox’s Prison Break, this is the real deal. Kiefer Sutherland will spend 48 days in jail after his second arrest for DUI a few weeks ago. Kiefer will serve 18 days in jail starting on December 21, 2007, for violating his probation from his first DUI arrest back in 2004. Then he must serve the remaining 30 days before July 1, 2008.

Twentieth Century Fox and the FOX Broadcasting Group had the following statement about the whole situation:

Today our friend Kiefer Sutherland resolved his criminal case at the earliest opportunity. Kiefer made clear to us at the time of his arrest that his first concern was the welfare of those he worked with and that he intended to do whatever was necessary to prevent shutting down the show because of his situation. He told us that even if he had to sacrifice more time in custody in order to protect the show and the jobs of those who work with him, he would do so. From what occurred today, it is evident he is a man of his word. We wish him well and look forward to a long relationship with him.

I can see Fox dreaming up some crazy show ideas for next season’s 24 and Prison Break.

Paris Hilton is currently spending her next 23 days behind bars. Paris entered Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood last night at 11:38 PM, right after attending MTV’s Movie Awards, more on that later. Paris had the following to say in a statement release by her lawyer:

I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation. During the past few weeks I have had a lot of time to think and have come to realize I made some mistakes. This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make. I want to thank my family, friends and fans for their continued support. Although I am scared, I am ready to begin my jail sentence.

Upon arrival to the Lynwood facility, Paris surrender all her possessions and undergone a strip searched before she was issued a prison uniform. And past reports of her being locked up with another inmate were all crap, because she will be staying in a cell all by herself and away from the general population. If that’s not special treatment I don’t know what is.

Hilton will spend approximately 23 hours a day in a 12-by-8-foot cell containing two bunks, a table, a sink, a toilet and a small window, with one hour for recreation. She will eat her meals in the cell. She could also leave her cell to meet with her attorney or to attend classes.

Now that Paris will be in a cell all by herself, I wonder what kind of stories she would be able to write for her prison diary? At least before going to prison she was the butt of Sarah Silverman’s jokes.

To prepare for her 23 days of prison living beginning on Monday, Paris has ordered a hair and makeup team to come to her Hollywood Hills home at 9 a.m. so she could look her best for the media circus that will take place outside the prison. Someone on the inside of Paris’s camp says:

The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies. Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she’s going to do the same out of going to prison. It’s not just about marketing, it’s about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater.

Paris doesn’t do contrite very well. She will be glam, and Paris is the queen of the prop. Expect her hair pulled back in a ponytail, big sunglasses and maybe a Holy Bible under one arm. And she just got a new kitten, so maybe she’ll hand that to her sister [Nicky] as she gets out of the car. There might even be tears.

Besides getting ready to look her best for all the lonely ladies in prison, Paris has a plan to write a prison diary during her stay at the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood.

Paris’ prison diary will make a more dramatic read than Martha Stewart’s,” says someone with knowledge of her business dealings. If she can make it believable, and not exaggerate too much, she might expect to make a million dollars out of it.

That book she’s planning to write will probably be the shortest one ever written, if you don’t count the one I just write. How much can you really write during such a short stay, unless the book is base on fiction and contains looks of references to girl on girl actions.You know that’s what happens in female prisons, I know that’s what I see in my dreams.

Lindsay Lohan crashed her Mercedes into a curb on Sunset Blvd. and has been arrested for DUI. Lohan was taken to the Century City Hospital in another car for minor injuries to her upper chest area. Police also discover a usable amount of cocaine in the vehicle, but not on Lohan’s body.

Cops say they arrested her at Century City Hospital where she had been taken by friends after the accident. They’re waiting for results of blood tests to determine just what substances she had in her system. One thing the cops do know… more charges could be filed in this case.

Lohan must be completing her to-do list before her 21st birthday on July 2. She can now cross out hit and run, DUI, caught with cocaine in her car, and going to the hospital all in one day from her list.

A woman obsessed with Sandra Bullock tried to kill her husband, Jesse James, by attempting three or four times to run him over with her silver Mercedes. The incident all happened in front of Sandra and his 10-year-old son.

Jesse was never struck by the car during the alleged incident. We’re told Valentine also “laid in the driveway and wouldn’t move.” Orange County Sheriffs were contacted and responded to the scene, but Valentine allegedly fled before they arrived. After an intense manhunt, officers located Valentine early Monday morning and took her into custody. Valentine is being held on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

Marcia Valentine must have been trying to saved Sandra life, thinking Jesse was some thug keeping her by force. And the 3 to 4 times of trying to run Jesse over was just some kind of warning to scare him away. This is like when I tried to scare some seagulls by running toward it.

Mike Tyson has really gone down the gutter, this time he gets pop for DUI and drug possession early this morning in Scottsdale, AZ. After stopping the former heavyweight champion, the officer says Mike, “stated he is an addict and has a problem.”

Tyson must have still been under the influence of narcotics, because he also admitted to, “possessing bags of cocaine and said he uses anytime he can get his hands on it.”

You know Tyson is getting old when he confessed to being an addict instead of screaming word of eating the officers baby when he was pulled over.

Miss Nevada USA Katie Rees isn’t as lucky as current Miss USA Tara Conner. Katie has now been officially striped of her title as Miss Nevada USA for those racy pictures of her kissing and licking other women and stripping in for the camera. Donald Trump told the Daily News:

Did you see those pictures? Unlike Miss USA, who made some bad choices, Miss Nevada is a real problem. . . . It’s a much different thing, and a much bigger problem.

Now go see the very NSFW pictures of her making out with other girls and flashing her breast. The next time we will hear about Katie Rees is when she becomes famous like the other beauty queen who posed for Playboy and had her title strip as well. That beauty queen is none other than Vanessa Williams.

Donald Trump’s Miss USA organization has decided to keep underage drinker and all-around party girl Miss USA Tara Conner. Trump says he believes in second chances and that Tara will be entering rehab. Here is what Trump had to say about Tara:

She left a small town in Kentucky and she was telling me that she got caught up in the whirlwind of New York. It’s a story that has happened many times before to many women and many men who came to the Big Apple. They wanted their slice of the Big Apple and they found out it wasn’t so easy.

Fighting back tears, Tara had the following to say about not getting her tiara and sash taken away:

In no way did I think it would be possible for a second chance to be given to me. You’ll never know what this means to me, and I swear I will not let you down.

The true story behind this is you can do anything you want when you’re beautiful. Want to kick a guy in his nuts? To all you beautiful people out there, don’t get caught up in the whirlwind that is New York, unless you want to have a good time.

Nicole Richie has gotten herself arrested this morning for when two driver called the police after seeing her SUV going the wrong way on the 134 Freeway in Burbank.

When the CHP responded, Richie was stopped in the carpool lane and was alone in the vehicle. When cops approached the vehicle, Richie was on her cellphone. Law enforcement officers tell TMZ Nicole Richie admitted she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot. A preliminary alcohol screening device revealed that Nicole was not under the influence of alcohol.

The booking sheet also reveals Richie’s weight of 85lb., I wonder how much she weighted before those reports of her gaining a few pounds. Very scary indeed.

Update: Added her mugshot

Andy Dick has taken a page out of fellow racist Michael Richards and called the whole audience the N word. While at the Improv comedy club in LA, Andy jumped on stage to heckle comedian Ian Bagg than during his exit off stage he took the mic and shouted to the crowd, “You’re all a bunch of niggers!”

We all knew Andy was a dick, but now we know he’s a racist dick now. Andy must have been jealous about how much publicity Michael was getting for his racist remark and Andy really believe bad publicity is good publicity. He should just stick with dressing up as a girl.

Three of Angelina Jolie’s bodyguards were arrested for allegedly pushing some students and their parents at a school in Mumbai. Jolie issues the following statement in response to the arrest:

It is not surprising that the press involved failed to mention their share of the responsibility in the chaos. As for this horrible rumor that someone referred to a local man as a ‘bloody Indian,’ let me say this: I would never work with anyone that was derogatory towards another man’s race. My family is of mixed race.

I guess the press force the bodyguards to start pushing the students or maybe the press were all disguised as students which confused the bodyguards into thinking the students all need to be stop.

Singer Keith Urban has reentered rehab for alcohol abuse. The last time he was in rehab was in 1998 for drug and alcohol abuse. Keith checked into the center with wife Nicole Kidman by his side. Urban says:

I deeply regret the hurt this has caused Nicole and the ones that love and support me. One can never let one’s guard down on recovery and I’m afraid that I have. With the strength and unwavering support I am blessed to have from my wife, family and friends, I am determined and resolved to a positive outcome.

Let hope this time around he can quit the booze.